Daily Problems that an LIM Girl Experiences

The past couple of weeks I have spent an excessive time at LIM.  You may be thinking, wow, she really likes her school!  Wrong.  I'm only here because LIM desperately needs a technology update considering we are still using 1990s Dell computers with programs that were clearly made for a Mac.  Which brings me to my first problem...

1.  The Technology

All you visual majors understand the struggle.  Four classes:  four different programs, only accessable via computers that belong in a museum at the rate technology is evolving.  How the fuck do we still have computers that rely on Internet Explorer.  This isn't 1998 anymore.  If you are going to require us to use programs that we can't even buy, i.e. Visual Retailing, we should be using these programs on the most up to speed devices.  I shouldn't have to sit at my computer screen diddling my mouse for a solid 10 minutes because my cursor is "loading".  I get it, Macs are expensive, but so is the class that I am basically self teaching myself anyways...

2.  The Professors & The Classes

I can barely count on one hand the amount of solid professors I've had here.  Shout out to Deming and Lueders for keeping it real.  Other than that, between all my gen-eds, I've pretty much taken the same class, five different ways!  Three cheers to wasting time & money!  

Classic Situation:  Getting into a very emotional, completely off topic conversation where every bitch has to chime in their 2 cents like they are fucking philosophers.  Prenups, marriage, abortion, ethics, PETA (fashion girl problems).. the list goes on.  I mean, what do you expect I guess when you force 10 girls and 5 gay guys into a room together...

3.  The Math Department

Instead of signing up for classes, its more like, signing up for accents!  I don't mean to offend anybody, but perhaps we should hire teachers that speak English, especially when we are learning god damn z-scores, standard deviations, and confidence intervals.  Because in the age of computers, calculators, and technology, we are totally going to need to know how to do this...  And if you need help, you can always go to the gossip Math Center.  I am not kidding you, I mind my own business when I'm doing my homework, but I can't help but hear the entire sex lives of the girls sitting at the table next to me.

4.  The Fashions

Ironic how we go to fashion school and yet I walk down the hallways and at least once a day think to myself "What is that?"  Now, I totally understand I am not one to judge.. but I'm judging anyways.  The difference is that I know my fashion isn't up to par, and TBH, I really don't give a fuck.  Sorry but ain't nobody got time for dresses for 8 AM classes.  PS I've been saying wayyyyy too many girls wearing chains these days. Ladies, you are not a dog.  You are not 2chainz.  And (normally) I see these on white girls.  Just no.  You look ghetto.

5.  The Events

LIM, also can be referred to as "Camp LIM" because ever since the fucking scavenger hunt and boat cruise at Freshman Year Orientation, this place is exactly like summer camp circa ten years ago.  Casino night, body revolutions, drag shows, stupid group meetings, and the infamous LIM Palooza which includes street games, and an excuse to get high and get free food.

6.  The People

Don't get me wrong, I've met some pretty cool peeps here, shout out to yall.  BUT the majority of time I'm at school I hit it and quit it.  Lately I've been whoring myself out in the saunas or iceboxes of the overheated / under heated computer labs (they say life is like a box of chocolates right?!)  where I am prone to overhearing multiple dumb conversations.  Many topics include:  boyfriend/boy drama, friend drama, the latest Chanel bag, Kim Kardashian/Kimye, refusing to go to Brooklyn, how you want to be a stylist and nothing else (good luck with that), how you want to be a buyer but you can't do math (good luck with that, being a buyer isn't about shopping) and/or the sick club you went to on Friday (btw Greenhouse is not cool anymore).  I've also heard people say the dumbest things, like how "American" is a language.  K.  For real, now I understand what it was like to go to an all girls high school, because I am pretty much at one!!  Only at LIM do girls go into the bathroom  to check themselves out when they go to school with a bunch of other girls... like why do you care?? 

And finally, the most ultimate LIM problem:  When gay guys have a better body, better sass, and better cat walk then you.  

Miley Cyrus’s 2013 VMA Performance: What is Happening to the Music World?

After a long night last night, I finally got to sit down today and watch the much talked about Miley Cyrus performance at this year’s VMA’s.  And from the minute that she walked out on stage with her tongue flailing around like it was meant to be shoved down someone’s throat, I knew this performance was going nowhere but downhill.  I get it, Miley, you don’t give a flying fuck about what anybody thinks of you, but seriously, was that even real?  I didn’t think it was possible for my jaw to drop anymore after the excessive twerking and booty rubbing, until she transformed her outfit into a completely nude slut-suit that left little to the imagination as she continued to pretty much masturbate on stage.   There is a fine line between not caring what anybody thinks and giving up your own dignity, which is something she clearly left behind stage.  And my question to MTV producers is, did you really think that was a good idea?  Did you really think people were going to like that?  I know I am not the only one out there that thinks that performance was not only down right disgusting and outrageous, but simply pathetic on Miley’s part.  I’m sorry but tramping around on stage in front of an audience of millions of people, including 12 year old girls who look to Miley as a role model, in little to no clothes does not classify you as a superstar, but rather an attention seeking whore.  Has she officially gone off her rocker?  Not only that, but it totally makes me question the music world and the values we place on it.

Music is one of the single greatest outlets of self-expression with a genre for every mood and moment. For decades the human population has religiously followed music trends and worshiped superstars from rock and roll like Jimi Hendrix to pop king and queens like Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears.  The music industry has always held some scandelous controversy whether it was from the beginnings of rock and roll expressing values of sex and rebellion, to the famous Britney Spears-Madonna kiss that hit the VMA’s 10 years ago.  But nowadays it seems like all we focus on is sex, and it seems that we have lost all focus on what music is about—raw talent that we feel in our souls to uplift our spirits, calm us down, motivate and inspire us, and most importantly connect us together.  There is no single greater feeling than feeling unified with everyone at a concert or festival, all connecting over one single reason:  the love for the music.  That is what music is about.  And yes, the music industry is suppose to be sexy, but I think the music industry could do way less with performances that consist of women rubbing foam fingers all over Robin Thicke’s junk.  Miley, leave the twerking to Diplo, and please reevaluate all the morals you may still have left after last night’s performance. 

Rihanna, clearly unimpressed.

Instagram: Tween Edition

After losing my iPhone a total of either 3 or 4 times this year (clearly I can't keep track), I decided to make the switch to a cheaper option:  the crackberry.  While I thought the switch to a platform with lesser social media would be nice, ya know, less time spent comparing my new Steve Madden's to my friend's Loubiton's or my spring break in Rhode Island while my friends are partying somewhere warm, I do have to say I MISS INSTAGRAM.  I confess.  Ever since I've been home I've been living vicariously through my younger sister's Instagram, which I creep on her and her teeny bopper, Justin Beiber loving friends while at the same time seriously fearing the up and coming generation.

When I was a freshman in high school, some of my friends didn't even have cell phones, let alone a fucking iPhone.  Our weekends consisted of recording us doing an Oreo eating contest on our digital cameras...completely sober.  Yeah, we were fags until the scandelous sophomore years hit but those were some of the greatest days of my life.  The sole purpose of our DIGITAL cameras was to record the retarded things, selfies, and other shenanigans we did on the weekends to look back on nowadays and say how the fuck did we come up with this shit sober.

The things my sister's friends Insta are entirely different and her feed is constantly clogged up with the same stupid shit:

1.  Starbucks

These fuckers don't even know how to drive yet so clearly they have some pussy ass mother that drives them to Starbucks everyday and buys them $5 drinks that aren't even coffee by the time they have so much whipped cream and chocolate sauce in them.  I'm convinced that they just get Starbucks to Instagram it.  How original!! Instagramming your Starbucks was sooo last winter when the holiday cups came out, get. with. it.

2.  Half-naked bodies

Summertime brings on a whole new theme to Instagram:  beach selfies.  But it doesn't stop at that.  These dumb, naive girls will literally do anything to get attention from boys and I blame Taylor Swift for that.  And by anything I mean instagramming pictures of their "tan lines" aka stomach shot and taking selfies in mirrors with daisy dukes and bikinis.  I didn't know Jessica Simpson was also a tween when she shot that movie...oh wait, she wasn't.  Half these girls can't even fill an A cup anyways so I'm not sure why they are trying...we all know that boys in 9th grade are all shallow enough to go with the girls that already hit puberty in 7th grade.

3.  Mirror Pics (w/Friends)

It is apparent that some things never change as this was the thing to do in our time.  Peace signs and dumb duck faces are just some accessories to the classic mirror picture.  Flash on (obviously for people with no sense of photography) or off?  Personal preference.  It's still obnoxious AND confusing.  Like can't you just take a picture...without the mirror? Really...no one cares to see what bathroom you are in.

4.  Reposts

Besides posting pictures of their freshly painted nails, new clothes from Brandy Melville, and their new fake Ray Bans, and acting like there is nothing else going on in the world, a new trend in teen 'grammin is reposting more stupid shit.  Usually it's a dumb quote, such as, "One of the hardest parts of life is deciding to walk away or try harder", usually with a cosmic background and fancy typography.  Listen hun, the hardest part of life is not deciding whether to keep your fake texting relationship going because he didn't answer you for a whole day.  Reposts just make these grammers even more pathetic and dramatic than they already are.

Things Guidos Like: Beach Edition

FINALLY!  The first beach day of the year.  After sweating out all the toxins from the night before in Central Park, I was finally wicked excited to be back in Rhode Island swimming in the ocean and having a breeze to make the sweat more tolerable.  Obvi planned on hittin' up Narragansett within the first week I was here, because there is no better place for a high school reunion than the town beach.

There's also no better place to "guido-watch", because these people aren't people, they are a whole new species and they totally own it.

1.  Flexing Their Muscles

Nothin' turns the guidettes on more than a fellow guid slathering his meat with SPF 0 tanning oil.  These guys got muscles on top of muscles and waste no time showing them off to everybody and anybody.

2.  Crushing Coors Lite

Post Memorial Day weekend, schools out, good weather, and no lifeguards to fuck you up while your trying to fuck shit up = DARTY!  Besides showing off their muscles, guidos love to show off how many 30 racks they can crush over a day of partying, beach, and girls.

3.  Tattoos

I would say tattoos are pretty standard everywhere, but guido tattoos are on a whole new level of stupidness.  Chinese symbols that probably don't even say what they think it says, cursive lettering of someone's name, crosses when they probably never go to church, their last name, and obviously the Italian flag are all common guido tattoos to be found scattered across the beach.  Guidettes can be found sporting dumb flowers, butterflies, stars, and animal prints that look like skin disease.

4.  Piercings

To all the girls who are double digits in size and rockin a belly button ring, do WAY less please.  I'm sorry but if you want to be curvalicious than go ahead but please take the diamond cherries out of your navel.  Guidos also love to show off their nipple and many cartilage ear piercings that also look stupid.  Their exotic piercings are just another thing to add to their manly macho-ness.

5.  Tanning

Guido's have the tan before the tan.  I don't know how they do it... It's the beginning of June and they are already as bronze as my (cooked) turkey on Thanksgiving day.  Being in the sun all day just turns their skin into the the exact leather that is on my couch.  I can't wait to see what the future guid population looks like.

6.  Ed Hardy

Guidos consider Ed Hardy the warrior of the nation.  They don't know about any other designer except maybe Armani Exchange and love to rock the wild colors and stupid skulls.  Ed Hardy bathing suits take over the beach on days like today which makes your realize the reasons they are still in business.


Guido's overtake the beaches on day's like today and make it for prime people watching.  It's hard to miss them as they travel in packs with their neon tanks from Providence and other Northern parts of Rhode Island and even New Jersey.

Seven Reasons Why Gay BFFs are (Better Than) God

1.     Their Cat Walk is Better than Yours

It’s just not fair.  Let’s be honest, they can rock the catwalk better than Cara Delavigne during Fashion Week.  Even when they are walking to CVS, only a block away from the dorms, they are workin’ it.  And it’s not even like they are wearing sneakers (they wouldn’t be caught dead)… you will see them wearing five-inch Louboutin’s going to buy toilet paper, meanwhile they are strutting their stuff better than the Cheetah Girls circa 2003. 

2.     Their Wardrobe is Your Wardrobe

That Celine bag that you’ve been dying to buy for the last three months?  Yeah, you can most likely find that in your gay best friend’s closet.  So if your roommate’s being too feisty about sharing clothes, the good thing about going fashion school is that you can walk down the hall and raid your gay friends closet.

3.     They Worship Rihanna Just as Much as You Do

More likely than not, it’ll be your gay friend that is sending you Rihanna’s latest Instagrams and Tweets (not that you’ve already seen them) of her partying at Greenhouse the night before.  I mean, who else would I have found out about her latest collection for River Island? 

4.     They Have the Best Guy Advice

So when your feeling overly dramatic when your hookup from two nights ago said he would call but didn’t, there is no better person to share a pint of Ben and Jerry’s with than your gay bestie.  They are essential to any friend group, because they will be the ones to back you up when your real bestie is telling you to stop being so emotional.  Which brings me to my next point….

5.     They Are Never Afraid to be Too Sassy

They learn from the best aka by watching every season of The Real Housewives and Keeping Up with the Kardashians.  So when you’re feeling like too much of a wimp to tell your real bestie to shut up and stop being such a bitch, leave it to your gay BFF to do so.  Drama is their thing, I mean, they practically major in gossiping. 

6.      They are more Scandalous than Marilyn Monroe

So when you think you had the ultimate night of scandal by hooking up with a rando you met at 1Oak last night, just multiply that by 3 and that’s the kind of night your Gay BFF has had.  Your GBFF has no shame in telling every dirty detail of this story loud enough for your waitress to hear and smirk about as she’s putting your order in.  Like they care?  They want the whole world to know about their fabulous sex life that is totally better than yours. 

7.     They Are Always Down for an Impromptu Photoshoot

So for the days when you are feeling ultra-fabulous and your roomie is totally raining on your pretty parade, just call up your gay bestie (who should already be on speed dial).  They are always there to tell you how amazing your legs look (only after mentioning you went on a 3 mile run the day before), but still, it’s a confidence booster, and they know how to work the camera better than Nigel Barker on America’s Next Top Model.

Things Bridge and Tunnel People Like

Things Bridge & Tunnel People Like:

You know it’s Memorial Day Weekend when the Meatpacking District of NYC also turns into the new Jersey Shore.  Nothing excites the people of Long Island, New Jersey, Queens, Staten Island, etc. (anybody NOT from Manhattan) than “MDW” promoter texts that actually allow the baby Snooki and JWow’s to bring out their Jionnis and Rogers.  Holiday weekend class for an “anything goes” dress code and club etiquette, including all the classic trends Bridge and Tunnel people embody (literally).  Here are the top signs it’s a B&T night in the city.

1.     Patent Leather

Heels, bags, and the most B&T wardrobe staple:  flats.  It’s cute when girls think they won’t get their shiny, nude Tory’s ruined as they take shots from the bottle and chase with cranberry juice.

2.     Animal Prints

You name the animal—they got it.  From the classic cheetah and zebra, to the more exotic snakeskin, any B&T girl will have part of the animal kingdom hanging in their closet.  They are the reason stores like Wet Seal still exist.

3.     Bandage Skirts

Remember the bandage skirt trend that was popular about three years ago?  Yeah, I was still in high school.  B&T people are notorious for taking popular past trends and turning them into trashy classics.  The sign of a true Bridge and Tunnel slut is a printed bandage skirt—normally some tribal or animal print that was purchased for under $10 at Forever 21.

4.     Hoops

You know the saying—the bigger the “O”, the bigger the hoe.  Just because she dragged her boyfriend to the club, doesn’t mean she’s a saint.  Two drinks later and cheetah bra is popping out revealing her rack about ten times worse than it was before.  Not to mention, she can also be found committing some serious girl on girl action with her equally as whore-ish best friend in front of the whole table.   I only speak from experience.

5.     Graphic Bro Tanks

The frat star from Rutgers who thinks it’s appropriate to wear his “I <3 Party, Beach, Summer, Girls, & Food” bro tank to his mixer also thinks it’s appropriate to wear to the club.  Last time I checked we weren’t doing keg stands or playing beach volleyball so man up, de-douchebag yourself for once, and put a fucking button down on.

6.     Michael Kors Anything

Watches, bags, patent leather bags, shoes, anything MK is how to get into any B&T girl’s heart.  They feel especially proud when they can sing along to Nicki Minaj’s song “Dance” : “You fuckin' lil whores // fuckin' up my decors // couldn't get Michael Kors, if you was fuckin' Michael Kors!!”

7.     One Armed Sleeves

For some reason, when people not from New York City go out for a wild night of partying and clubbing, they think they need to dress like they are also going to Prom.  Spotting a girl sporting a one-armed sleeve dress is just targeting the question:  Where are you from? (Because we know it’s not New York City)

8.     Champagne and Cranberry Juice

Bitches be like “Oh My God, we are poppin’ bottles in the club!”  Literally half of the B&T population is underage, so sipping on champagne is ten times classier than taking shots of Burnettes at the house party they were at last weekend. 

9.     Blazers

The blazer that the B&T bitches where to work on their commute into the city can also double as a cute jacket to hit the club.  A black blazer is a staple in any B&T girls closet, along with her patent leather heels and bandage skirts.

10.   Party Busses

Whatever the night of the weekend it is, Bridge and Tunnel posses love to travel in packs via party bus.  Their wild night in NYC, which is considered an average night of partying for any local, starts off with a pregame party bus ride through the Lincoln Tunnel.  The girl found hanging on the stripper pole at 1Oak was probably also riding the pole during the pregame.

Any Bridge and Tunnel member will most definitely be found wearing a combination of the things listed above.  So next time you are at the club on a Saturday night or during a holiday weekend, and the crowd seems to be three shades darker and more tattooed, it’s a B&T night.  Embrace the guidos and embrace the blowouts. 

high thought

do you think the popularity of apple products made white nail polish more popular?
i just spent 10 minutes un-tying 4 different apple cords...my mouse, my earplugs, my USB plug, my charger...and they were pretty much all the same. apple is all about the all white everythang. white iphones, white computer, white ipod, white cords, white nation... but seriously i feel like white nail polish is so much more popular idk why tho i personally think it looks really bad but hey some people can pull it off.

like im sorry but that just does not look good ^^ ~alien nails~

                                                   ^^^ even worse

deoderant

idk bout you but does anybody get mad stressed out when picking out deodorant
it literally takes me like 10 minutes to pick out a deodorant because the first question is do i want females deodorant because we all know that mans deodorant works better but then its like what kind do i want secret or dove or whatever.
and then its like do i want the gel or the roll on or the stick there is just so many options. btw idk why you would get the gel kind and smear all that nasty wetness all up in your underarms its the grossest feeling and then you have to stand there for 5 minutes to let it dry.
but anyways and then you have to pick out the flavor like lavender or powder fresh or clean. and of course you cant really even smell them cuz they got those plastic things on it. i never feel like im picking the right kind there are just too many options.



HI ITS SOFA!!! HER #1 FANNN <3 <3

Linda Goes Abroad

you like my gucci sunglasses?

peek-a-boo at the duomo!

selfies in Sienna!

Unneccesary Facebook Statuses

1.  Announcing birthdays that are not yours

OH! Its your Aunt Cindi's 43rd birthday?  Please let me take 5 seconds of my life that I will never get back reading about how happy you are for her and how greatful you are.  Please, this is Facebook not the back of your Hallmark card not one of us (except your aunt) cares so please stop taking up space on our news feed with your long sappy love letter.

2.  Your day's agenda

"Working out, job hunting, and unpacking! such a long day ahead of me..." Thank you so much for writing down your schedule, now I'll know not to contact you until you post another status that your "chillaxin".  Like please that was so circa 2001 away message days. Nobody actually needs to or WANTS to know what your doing with your day and your real friends will probably already know.

3.  Being sick

"UGH sick again! congested and sinus infection!" like first of all ew, second of all your not the only one. third of all, there are kids dying of cancer your sinus infection will go away in a week its not the end of the world.  so please stop trying to get sympathy from your Facebook friends that couldn't give two shits.

4.  Political Tirades

Because everyone has an opinion and going on a tirade about obama vs romney is really just pointless and starts unnecessary drama which is why i dub it stupid and unnecessary.  keep it within the debate team, not Facebook.